The tourist trap: Somewhere blitz tourists on gigantic prepackaged tours go to get ripped off and poorly treated; any cheesy location with no real cultural validity which is set up to seem authentic.
How to recognize when you are caught in a tourist trap: Do you see any combination of the following circumstances? - There are more white people than local people. What few locals occupy the vicinity are steely and grumpy, and there are no locals actually
shopping/touring/sightseeing. Nobody says please or thank you, in any language. People leave their 5 thousand dollar camera sitting on the table for 20 minutes while they travel two blocks away to make a call to Tokyo. Those same people are shocked to find it's not there when they return. Shop names are
suddenly in English; menus are in English; people speak to you in English. You are accosted instantly, persistently, endlessly, by people trying to sell you useless shit, which is all "hand made" (true, but by little Chinese hands in a factory far away). You notice that prices are exhorbitantly high; when you point this out, you are told it is because of the supremely fantastic quality of the absolute crap they're vending. Without fail, the shopping center/indigenous market/cam
el hair carpet weaving school/buddhist monastery/church is set up as a gigantic prison-like labyrinth, making it nearly impossible to actually find the exit once you've entered. You might also hear people saying things (in English) similar to the following; "Oh my gawsh Dave we just have to get this 9 foot long (fill in with local random crap) for the foyeeeeerrrrr!"; "G-I-V-E M-E O-N-E O-F T-H-E-S-E T-H-I-N-G-S" (Shopkeeper's invariable response: "...I speak English."); "Do they tip in this country? How much should I tip? Nah I'm not goi
ng to tip anything."; "Can you take a picture of me while I simulate sex with this four hundred year old religious statue?"; "Oh my god what IS that (insert traditional food product), it looks so groooossss". And the final sign you've entered a tourist trap: You see at least one MacDonald's.
Now, recognizing you've inadvertantly (or perha
ps purposefully, through some misguided masochistic urge) entered a tourist trap is the first and most important step to salvation. The second step is to stop spending money; you will find the exact same wares and trinkets elsewhere, at lower prices. The third step is optional; find that guy's table and steal his 5 thousand dollar camera. The final step is finding the exit (easier said than done; see above); you may need to stop for water (10 euros, and "of the highest quality", of course).
Following these easy steps (I chose to abstain from optional step 3... at least that's what I'm telling the police) I was able to successfully escape from the tourist trap I wandered into yesterday. As far as tourist traps go, this one was relatively benign (food and artisan market), but a waste of time nonetheless. Luckily for me, everything else in Madrid has been 
fantastic! It's a gorgeous city. There is a real sense of majesty here. Every beautifully restored Spanish building you see (and they are ubiquitous, literally lining every street) invites the imagination to invent its history; perhaps the queen of England had this built as her summer home? Or was this Gaudi's Madrid studio? There are more palaces, plazas and parks here than a pers
on could visit in a month. In fact I only saw one building in my many hours of walking which I did not particularly enjoy, and that was the Spanish church of Scientology... ahhh the long reach of Tom Cruise's bank account.
I took a whole mierdaload of pictures yesterday, and of course I indulged in panorama shooting, my favorite addiction, which at times gets completely out of control (I had to stop myself from taking a panorama of the church
of scientology sign; I have a problem). The street performers here are very interesting, producing everything from music to... perpetual falling? I love having the nice zoom on my camera so I can snipe them from afar and not feel obligated to pay them anything. Yep, I'm that guy. I even accidentally walked through a flower bed on my way to take a picture of the Palacio Real... So it's likely that some flowers were harmed in the making of this blog. Woopsie.
ps purposefully, through some misguided masochistic urge) entered a tourist trap is the first and most important step to salvation. The second step is to stop spending money; you will find the exact same wares and trinkets elsewhere, at lower prices. The third step is optional; find that guy's table and steal his 5 thousand dollar camera. The final step is finding the exit (easier said than done; see above); you may need to stop for water (10 euros, and "of the highest quality", of course).
Following these easy steps (I chose to abstain from optional step 3... at least that's what I'm telling the police) I was able to successfully escape from the tourist trap I wandered into yesterday. As far as tourist traps go, this one was relatively benign (food and artisan market), but a waste of time nonetheless. Luckily for me, everything else in Madrid has been 
fantastic! It's a gorgeous city. There is a real sense of majesty here. Every beautifully restored Spanish building you see (and they are ubiquitous, literally lining every street) invites the imagination to invent its history; perhaps the queen of England had this built as her summer home? Or was this Gaudi's Madrid studio? There are more palaces, plazas and parks here than a pers
on could visit in a month. In fact I only saw one building in my many hours of walking which I did not particularly enjoy, and that was the Spanish church of Scientology... ahhh the long reach of Tom Cruise's bank account.
I took a whole mierdaload of pictures yesterday, and of course I indulged in panorama shooting, my favorite addiction, which at times gets completely out of control (I had to stop myself from taking a panorama of the church
of scientology sign; I have a problem). The street performers here are very interesting, producing everything from music to... perpetual falling? I love having the nice zoom on my camera so I can snipe them from afar and not feel obligated to pay them anything. Yep, I'm that guy. I even accidentally walked through a flower bed on my way to take a picture of the Palacio Real... So it's likely that some flowers were harmed in the making of this blog. Woopsie. Below: Musical street performance.
A few of the museums and such are closed because of Easter, which is an entire week's worth of events here (Semana Santa). About two weeks ago I tried to find some accomodation down in Sevilla for this weekend, but everything but the expensive hotels was completely booked up. Semana Santa is meant to be pretty awesome down there, with people parading through the streets in traditional garb (which is a white robe and a pointy head cover, very similar to the KKK's uniforms actually), so I'm a bit peeved that I'll be missing it, but hopefully there will be something si
milar here in Madrid. As for the museums being closed, that will just save me the admission fee - I'm not a huge fan of museums anyway, I'd rather get out and talk to some locals, find some dynamic culture. Besides they never let me take my camera in, and it's too big to smuggle. (Picture left - Cheaterrrrrrr!)
I was out on the town again last night, bar hopping and enjoying the international crowd. We're all a little bit hungover today from being rather borracho last night, but I'm definitely going to head out this afternoon and do some more walking about. The sun has been out a little bit this morning, despite the weather predictions, so I had better go enjoy Madrid while I can!
C
Random thought of the day - Deustche Bank; there's a good reason they don't make bags. Haha! Anybody? Hrm...
A few of the museums and such are closed because of Easter, which is an entire week's worth of events here (Semana Santa). About two weeks ago I tried to find some accomodation down in Sevilla for this weekend, but everything but the expensive hotels was completely booked up. Semana Santa is meant to be pretty awesome down there, with people parading through the streets in traditional garb (which is a white robe and a pointy head cover, very similar to the KKK's uniforms actually), so I'm a bit peeved that I'll be missing it, but hopefully there will be something si
milar here in Madrid. As for the museums being closed, that will just save me the admission fee - I'm not a huge fan of museums anyway, I'd rather get out and talk to some locals, find some dynamic culture. Besides they never let me take my camera in, and it's too big to smuggle. (Picture left - Cheaterrrrrrr!)
I was out on the town again last night, bar hopping and enjoying the international crowd. We're all a little bit hungover today from being rather borracho last night, but I'm definitely going to head out this afternoon and do some more walking about. The sun has been out a little bit this morning, despite the weather predictions, so I had better go enjoy Madrid while I can!
C
Random thought of the day - Deustche Bank; there's a good reason they don't make bags. Haha! Anybody? Hrm...
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